Yes We DID!!!

Fellow Americans, it is with tremendous pride that I address you on this great day. Since February 27th, our great nation has had its collective will tested as we fought tooth and nail for the values that we believe make us the best country in the world. But today, it is shown once again that our resolve and dedication prevail in the face of struggle. Yes, fellow Americans, we have made it through another NFL offseason.  Football Sundays are here and they are back, basically forever. Potential lockout next year? Psssh let NEXT February-September me worry about that. I know he’ll be able to deal with that then.

We have finally made it! Since the Saints’ thrilling victory over the Colts in Super Bowl XLIV we have had to endure indescribable hardships. While some have repeatedly stated that the NFL season just “snuck up on us out of nowhere,” truly aware observers know that this was simply not the case. The World Cup made for nice workday diversions but now that it is over we can all admit that it became a lot of work to try to figure out who was on team USA and what the point of everything was. Also, they lost abruptly before any of us could REALLY make a commitment to the bandwagon.

The Decision, while ubiquitous, should not ever be mentioned in the same sentence as football, except of course for this sentence which says that it should never otherwise be mentioned in the same sentence. We had to endure MONTHS of manufactured speculation for a ‘Decision’ that was actually made months before the announcement. Pretty much, our infatuation with this whole situation caused Lebron to consciously use us all as pawns for his own amusement. Also, it totally worked.

Still, none of that bullshit was actually anything that even paled in comparison to the *Mark Schlereth Voice* National Football League. Everything is back tomorrow. Fantasy football! Playoff implications! Not knowing who is good and who is bad yet! Beer! A legit excuse to eat disastrously unhealthy food! Gambling! It’s been gone for seven full, LONG months.

Let me remind you what the opposition said when football season last ended. You know, memorable soundbites such as “You’ll never make it all the way to September. It’s just not feasible in this new global economy and the world will end before that point because a nuclear bomb has gone off.” Or, even worse, those who said that we could satiate our hunger for sweet, sweet football with baseball or soccer or doing stuff outside. Still, if it is one thing this nation can take extensive pride in, it is our perseverance. We looked our enemy straight in the eye and let them know that we were not going to back down.

We ignored baseball even though it isn’t the politically correct thing to do. We kind of cared about the World Cup but did not root for them with anywhere near the fervor as we do our favorite football team. When it comes time to enjoy the fruits of our labor and bask in the glory that is NFL season, remember the fight we bravely endured and the progress that our interminable wills afforded us and never forget our true potential. Once again we have emerged from the battle victorious, shedding away the tyrannical NFL offseason. Just when it looked as if we were not going to be able to take it anymore, long after the draft and mandatory minicamp, even still after three weeks in the preseason, we buckled down and finished what we started. YES WE DID.



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