Just END

To whom it may concern:

Pretty please with chocolate fudge, whipped cream, and a cherry on top end the NFL Lockout as soon as humanly possible. Like, today or tomorrow. I am well aware this is an incalculably huge long-term deal that needs to be carefully weighed by both sides, that the Lockout going to end at some point in semi-near-ish future, and that we aren’t actually going to miss any games (even of the intolerable preseason variety). I don’t care. I just want this to end. Now.

I am sick and tired of reading about percentage splits, about litigation, about whatever de-certification and re-certification of a labor union actually are along with their ramifications. I of course want player safety and retired player benefits to be secured but I don’t want to hear squabbling about the process of getting there. I NEVER want to read pointed, inciting quotes from Jeff Pash or Jeffrey Kessler again and I want to see their arrogant, smug faces on TV even less. I hope that with their cut of the legal fees from this whole fiasco, they build 20,000 square foot houses constructed of solid gold in Antigua and stay OUT of my life forever.

I got my hopes up yesterday for like FIVE MINUTES when the owners held a press conference to triumphantly celebrate the ratification of a new CBA. I didn’t even mind seeing Jeff Pash or Jerry Richardson’s fat, privileged faces on TV talking about how there were gives and takes in the negotiations but that they were relieved the process was over. Then we found out that the players thought the owners tried to ram through a shady deal including provisions that were never agreed upon, that the players felt tricked, duped, led astray, hoodwinked, bamboozled by the owners. BASTARDS.

I don’t care about the personal conduct policy, drug testing, two-a-days, or ANYTHING ELSE. I just want the crazy orgasm that will be the ensuing free agency period to happen so I actually have things to write about and I can finally PREPARE FOR MY FANTASY DRAFTS. I really don’t think the involved parties truly understand what is at stake here with this. Fantasy draft preparation is a delicate process which usually takes MONTHS and we are going to have to cram it into a few short weeks, adapting to roster changes at a perilous rate. We need to read Football Outsiders and listen to Matthew Berry podcasts. THIS TAKES TIME AND EFFORT and the time will be short.

Like Drew Magary, the Lockout has made me forget what is going on in the NFL. Normally, I would have been keeping up with training camp battles, injuries, free agency, and potential rookie breakouts, using every nugget of information to carefully adapt my fantasy strategy. THIS WAS MY COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE and I am scared that people who don’t do their homework all summer will be rewarded.

Don’t just end the Lockout for me. Do it for the media. Every NFL reporter who usually gives us interesting football nuggets has been relegated to covering the Lockout. Do it for Mike Freeman, for Jim Trotter, for Mort, for Adam Schefter, for Jason La Canfora. ESPECIALLY do it for Albert Breer, who has had to stake out the owners’ meetings from dawn till dusk for MONTHS. If the Lockout doesn’t end today, I am scared he will collapse from physical exhaustion. NFL and NFLPA: DO YOU WANT THAT ON YOUR CONSCIENCES?

This has gone on for long enough and I am sick and tired of being sick and tired of this. Not that I am in a position to make any threats; any ultimatum would be idle because the second sweet glorious football is back I will love every second of it but I still DEMAND THE LOCKOUT ENDS TODAY OR TOMORROW.

Kind regards,




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