8 Better Ways To Spend $64.99 Than Ordering Pacquaio-Bradley

We went through this before the Mayweather-Cotto fight, which did end up being a better fight than I had thought it would be–good enough for a re-match!–but the sentiment still holds true. Sports fans should not give Manny Pacquaio or Floyd Mayweather any more of their money, especially not at these outrageous prices, until they man up and fight each other. How do you know that $64.99 is an exorbitant amount to pay for this fight? The TV commercials don’t even tell you the price. They’re either hoping that you won’t ask when you call up to order or that once you’ve made the call you’ve gone too far and there’s no turning back now.

Pacquaio is a -400 favorite tomorrow night over Timothy Bradley, who you probably never heard of until this week when the commercials started. It’d be awesome if Bradley won and Pacquaio and Mayweather never got their enormous payday because their stupid game of chicken was drawn out for too long and one of them loses against his handpicked opponent first. Want to see if that might happen? Stream the fight for free on ATDHE. If you MUST see the fight in HD, go to a sports bar that already paid for it. DO NOT buy it yourself!

Here are 10 better ways to spend the money:

1. High West Boureye

Because there are only so many ways for me to say, “Oh my God it’s so good,” I’ll just copy and paste the scientific description from Green’s Beverages:

This is a blend of straight bourbon and two straight rye whiskeys (thus the name, which combines parts of both). Very interesting indeed. But how does it taste? It’s clean, crisp and quite vibrant (especially on the nose). The rye note is evident throughout. It starts out more like a high rye-content bourbon, with the molasses, caramel, coconut cream, sweet corn and honey-kissed fruit marrying nicely with the dried spice (vanilla, cinnamon, brisk mint). But then on the latter half of the palate, the rye really kicks in. The whiskey gets bold, the rye becomes intense (almost piercing), with a dried spice finish. Some whiskeys are even keeled throughout. This one is more of an adventure. Not complex enough for ”classic status” (>95), but a very distinctive, enjoyable whiskey.

2. Old School NBA Jerseys From Ebay

Depending on whose jersey you want to order, size, and condition, you can get 1-3 dope 90s jerseys for $64.99, receiving endless “sick jersey, man!” affirmations this summer in the process. Some suggestions: Gary Payton, Shawn Kemp, Penny Hardaway, Shaq (Magic, duh), Patrick Ewing, Reggie Miller, Scottie Pippen, David Robinson, Charles Barkley, Dan Majerle, Larry Johnson, Alonzo Mourning, Mugsy Bogues, Glen Rice, Chris Webber (Warriors or Bullets), or Shawn Bradley. Because you already noticed, yes I scanned the casts of Space Jam and NBA JAM T.E. off the top of my head to make that list.

Here’s a picture of the awesome Charles Barkley Suns jersey which I bought on Ebay a year ago and now tastefully fit into (my forest of chest hair still makes wearing it without an undershirt a bit precarious, though):

3. Go NUTS at RibFest

Chicago’s RibFest is this weekend and it’s going to be four blocks of nothing but glorious, succulent ribs fresh off the grill. Headed into an event like this, you’ve gotta budget at least $20-30 to tip the scales in your favor on the fun:tease ratio. I can only fathom what it would be like to go into it with a $65 budget, knowing I can eat any and every thing I want. Needless to say, this would much more enjoyable than watching Pacquaio tornado through Bradley in five rounds.

4. Super Nintendo (w/ Super Mario World and Donkey Kong Country)

Find it on Craigslist for $45, spend the remaining $20 on a second controller and back cables. Step 3: profit.

Try to find Super Mario All-Stars, MarioKart, and NBA JAM at a later date (perhaps the next time some overpriced boxing match comes around?)

5. A Full Season of Red Zone Channel

Last year, this cost $50. Even if they raise the price this season, you have to imagine it will cost less than this Pacquaio fight. One NFL Sunday of the Red Zone Channel in full effect–it’s the BEST as the first games are ending and the later ones are starting–is worth more than this fight.

6. The Wire Box Set

You never have to answer one of Jason Whitlock’s dumb Twitter challenges again and still have about $15 left over to buy copious amounts of microwave popcorn for the 50-hour television binge you are about to embark on.

7. Two Shares of Facebook Stock

It’s an investment! Does it make sense to anybody that Facebook, which 1/6 of the world uses, is trading at <70x earnings while LinkedIn, which you probably haven’t logged into in months, is trading at 646.3x? I’ve never been more sure that a stock is worth less than half of its market cap as I am about LNKD*.

*Please do your own financial analysis instead of taking my word for it.

8. Play Blackjack

Find a $5/hand casino somewhere in Wisconsin and let it ride! Who knows, you might win! Well, probably not. The entertainment value of losing it is still probably better. As a bonus, you get free soda! Try and figure out how much Diet Coke you need to drink to break even and get to work. Not possible, you say? Not with that attitude.


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