At the ESPYs, Bill Simmons Saw Rob Gronkowski Sprint Down an Up Escalator, Heard Gronk Crossed Swords With Brothers and a Stranger

Bill Simmons had his buddy Jack-O on his BS Report podcast today. As usual they discussed the relative situations of the Yankees and Red Sox before veering off into other topics. The conversation eventually drifted toward Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski; around the 28-minute mark, Simmons shares three funny anecdotes about Gronk from the ESPY awards last week.

1. Leaving the after party, walking through the hotel where the first after-party was and there was an [escalator] that people were going down. And there was probably like–you know, people were walking kind of slow because there’s only one at a time on the [escalator] so it’s kind of clogged a little bit–and then there was an [escalator] going up that nobody was on. Gronkowski sprints down, past all the people that are going down the [escalator] and sprints down the ‘up’ [escalator]. Then, he gets to the bottom, raises his hands, and goes, “YEAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!” I actually witnessed [this].

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Super Bowl Pick!

Doesn’t it seem like it’s been a month since Championship Weekend? The Billy Cundiff miss, the defensive battle in the pouring rain between the Giants and the 49ers? I understand that the Super Bowl hype machine needs the extra week to get oiled up but it really comes at the expense of the great momentum that the playoffs had been building.Every year I sort of forget this–perhaps it is willful ignorance–but Championship Weekend really does mark the end of the football season as football fans know it. The Super Bowl technically is a football game but it’s become such a spectacle that unless your favorite team is involved, of which there is a 1/16 chance, the distractions will outweigh the game. There’s of course the food and the drink–although SOME of us have been imbibing all season–but that’s not all.There’s the people you will be watching with who haven’t seen a snap of football all season, the halftime show which lasts about three hours and would only be enjoyable and relevant if you could go AT LEAST two decades back in a time machine, and the incessant need to watch and evaluate the commercials (COMMERCIALS!!).

And all of this pales in comparison to the increasing awareness that this is all we have left. After the game ends, it is truly the deep, dark offseason. No real football FOREVER until mid-September. It’s kind-of-sort-of OK through March Madness and the NBA Playoffs but as much as we try to delude ourselves, they’re not the same. Last year, I watched women’s soccer. And I liked it! Which must mean that this year will see me follow and perhaps attempt to write about any number of sports I only care about for a week or two every four years because it’s the Summer Olympics. Ugh, and Mel Kiper is about to get thawed from his cryogenic freezing champer for the seemingly endless and always excruciating pre-Draft coverage. And please don’t get me started on baseball.

So this is all that we’ve got left and it doesn’t even feel like the real thing. One way to fill the void is to pick up a new weekly activity in lieu of watching football on Sunday afternoons. Last year, I picked up GMAT studying and the end results were worth it. This year? Not sure, perhaps I’ll take the GREs, perhaps I’ll volunteer, perhaps I’ll commit to writing every Sunday, perhaps I will just morph into a sloth. Whatever it is, it won’t be as good as football. Sigh.

Enough of my depressing eulogy for a semi-animite (I shouldn’t have had to make this word up – it should already exist) object that ISN’T DEAD QUITE YET. On to the Super Bowl pick, the last pick in a series of battles that I’ve enjoyed immensely with my friend Asif, who writes Uninformed Commentary.

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